Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
