I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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