It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
