Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
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I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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