Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
