I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
