Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
