Nicole vs. Life
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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