Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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