dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
