I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
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Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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