i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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