I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
