I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
