bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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