You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
