the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
