how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
