If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
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I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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