I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
