oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
