You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
