I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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