Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
