she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
