How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
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I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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