We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
two words: eviction party
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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