I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
