I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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