i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
