sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
