omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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