The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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