Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
