We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
