im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I deserve this hangover.
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