I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
