Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
