dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
