he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
