Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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