....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
