Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Apparently you make a good broom.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
