I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
