matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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