He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
