Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
