At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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