This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
