i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
