The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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