apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
