the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
