matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
