I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
