i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
