3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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