New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
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