Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
