this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
