is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
