Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she peed on how many people?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
