I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
