I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
