if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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