I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
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Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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